I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
