I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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