people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
