I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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