Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
These tits shall not be calmed
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
