Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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