vagina is talking i cant
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You left your phone here
Wait...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
