just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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