I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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