you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
