So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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