I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
