It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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