I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
