My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Oh god it's open bar.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
