drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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