i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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