I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
