we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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