Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
