Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
