is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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