I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
