Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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