no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
