At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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