Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
