I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
