you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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