youre lurking in front of me
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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