dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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