I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
