I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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