Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.