Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.