Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
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You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't want my vagina anymore.