So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
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She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
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I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.