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nut hugger
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
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