just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml