dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios