I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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