On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
