Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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