So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
