Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
