It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
