i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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