I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They took my balls.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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