Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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