Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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