fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
