Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
