oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Randomize
