I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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