Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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