I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
