loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i believe in u and ur pee
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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