I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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