let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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