next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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