So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I can tuck mytits in my pants
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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