All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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