Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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