i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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