Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
