i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
