the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
