We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
